| 18 |
[April 17, 2009 @ 1:25am] |
six days until my eighteenth birthday
im dreading it
tonight i chopped down a tree.
i suppose im doing things i wont be accountable for.
i want to embrace the last time i wont have responsibility for anything i choose to do
this transition is uncomfortable
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[April 12, 2009 @ 11:30pm] |
sam really is my best friend.
i whine and bitch so much about not having a girl to share secrets and stories and cuddle with.
ive had it for five months. and ive looked over it...
i really do have a best friend- and the best one ive ever had!
sam doesnt lie. he isnt flakey, we sit under a tent poking fun and telling stories.
we play and run and fight and makeup
we finish eachothers sentences and talk for hours- about nothing, about everything.
i have a best friend.
samuel patrick carrasco
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[February 25, 2009 @ 12:15pm] |
i feel lately ive grown from alot. i have three months left of this bullshit highschool experience.
me and sam are moving to santa barbara. its so beautiful. if im going to go to school full time i want to at least enjoy the scenery.
my cousin is offering full rent. but- its hard to accept when i know her situation wont allow my boyfriend to live with me. regardless im going. and sam is coming with me. ive got a few semesters to figure out what ill do exactly and living arrangements arent really the forefront of my worries. ive never known this life was possible. bakersfield is a fishbowl-and i know if i hesitate...ill be left here swimming.
ive seen it.
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| my baby |
[February 10, 2009 @ 10:28pm] |
painting something for my honey bee.
nothing huge. but impulsively i got the idea and decided to run with it.
ive been really motivated to create lately, and i think this is something that epitomizes some really good times of ours.
sentimental but still original.
i hope he enjoys it.
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| nye 2k9 |
[February 04, 2009 @ 10:35pm] |
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possibly the best party youll ever go to
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[February 03, 2009 @ 2:15pm] |
theres always those cute tlittle things youll go out of your way to watch, touch, or see. whenever im having a bad day...i watch videos of skunks on youtube, i think they are the cutest most adorable little creatures. widdol noses and claws. its like a cat but upgraded. im so stoked to buy one when i move out, californias state laws prohibit the purchases of exotic animals. but this ashley smith is a sly dog- im going to utah next summer and ill have a breeder ship there where laws are much more lenient. for fucks sake they tolerate multiple wives-getting a skunk shipment probably wont turn heads. im clearly stoked. i need a skunk. i will love her and feed her and treat her like a princess. in fact...i will name her princess, and she will be my pride and joy
( lookyhere )
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[February 02, 2009 @ 2:39pm] |
Armin Van Buuren?
thats what every girl needs- a guy who can throw his headphones in the air and girls immediately take off their clothes.
thank you please.
( ... )
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[February 02, 2009 @ 2:28pm] |
for my birthday i want to get a grateful dead tattoo on my arm. id love to get the traditional logo- but 1) that may be way to cliche and 2) i dont want to, for fear ill end up looking like one of those 60 year old men with a bad haircut and permanent lsd issues....
suprisingly i found people who share the same concept as i- and have found a way to make it look less trashy.
so clearly id like to do something like that- or maybe one of the bears?
not sure...as long as the colors are great, i want it pretty psychedelic.
( here )
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[February 01, 2009 @ 9:41pm] |
Clearly enjoying this song lately.
( here )
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[January 21, 2009 @ 9:48pm] |
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im driving my boyfriend crazy- getting histerical and sad after failed attempts of already making a satisfied man happy
i hate seeing my ideas backfire. especially when im right in the middle....and i feel like i cant stop once ive gotten started
im a bit of a trainwreck.
but he still loves me.
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[December 21, 2008 @ 8:53pm] |
i realized- sam looks adorable when he plays keyboard. :D  :
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[December 01, 2008 @ 1:24am] |
im pretty excited, christmas is coming up and me and sams to do list gets longer and longer, im getting him something cool for christmas and im hoping he wont buy it before i do. If the pawn shop doesnt fuck me over ive got at least 1500 to spend-and Together As One tickets are getting a bit more expensive :/ i made sam promise to take me...something about Armen van buuren playing love music whilst thousands of people do a new years kiss- gets me going. with or without the exctasy. ;]
sam went to the beach and brought me back this nifty lunch pail. how can a lunch pail be badass you ask?- Zelda. yeah im almost 18 and for the rest of my hight school career ill be carrying around a lunch pail. God, my life rules.
i had a really good night with sam we pretty much gave all our friends the shaft and talked for 8 hours. Im really lucky to have found this boy . hes the male version of me. hes mine. and i cant even begin to explain how stoked on life i am, link to pictures and what not below ;D
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| festive? |
[December 01, 2008 @ 1:13am] |
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ive been stuck in the mothership for a week. not typically thrilled. elongated "vacations" with immediate family can get real old real quick. especially when these vacations are in utah...i always come back smelling like polygamy and desperation....oh what a sad tale! Kristy isnt to thrilled- i didnt bring her back a mormon. sorry dear.
ifi did anything productive...it was these superbad bargains i found for me and sam
PAH! i figured if were going to party during the christmas season were going to do it right....warm and cozy in seemingly embarrasing knitted christmas sweaters,,,they didnt have any deicide shirts so this is the best i got
( (pictures) )
</div>
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| talk is cheap |
[November 16, 2008 @ 10:34am] |
i wont run when you close your eyes  |
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| . |
[November 15, 2008 @ 4:03pm] |
Sitting at the auto mall. Sams doing some dj stuff for under the table profit...while i play livejournal.
i havent written in a while. ive been pretty busy. with samuel lately :] not a second wasted.
went to rickys this morning, he showed me the glory that is World Of Warcraft. Straightened my hair and made an attempt to put my face on- get ready for a pretty calm day. Drank a lil bit to much last night. and i cant say im not feeling it. i Want to go on another adventure beach trip. this time take pictures. At least the weathers good today.Its kindof relaxing sitting outside on the laptop. i wish i looked better. i want some tea and possibly new jeans. and sheets for my bed would be nice too. heres my christmas list headstart,
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| some things you never knew |
[July 28, 2008 @ 12:56am] |
i hated you for everything you werent.
i shutup and played submissive-because when your happy. its the happiest ive ever been
i told you.- that feeling. when your best isnt good enough.
when your best isnt good enough
you do what i do
you do what ive done
i let you sleep and a watched you. i left your bed and showered,
i wanted to wash off the hurt.
i wanted to wash off everything that made me feel inadequate
i walked outside and cried
because i feel so small in your sheets.
i looked at you and something inside me knoew id never make you happy.
and it kills me
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| new start old ending |
[July 28, 2008 @ 12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
"so what about the ring"
he says
"consider it a gift."
funny how some words. over and over mean nothing to us. and some. they hit us like a rock.
almost comical how love works
cynical. and reckless.
funny how something so pure becomes hurtfull. like nothing you thought ever could.
i have a feeling right now. a feeling like self destruction. charachteristics unhuman. i want to cry and rampage and destroy anything helpfull. anything comforting. to act without regret and to live without remorse. savage and unadultered,
but this wont help. not me not us. not life not love in the purestt sense.
i guess ill sit.
and love you for who you are
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[June 28, 2008 @ 10:37pm] |
i talk in third person
because it makes me feel distant
when your not being subjective- your being smart.
when your smart, your comfortably safe
nothing wrong because nobody's at fault.
ashley wants to go
far far away
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ashleyeatsbeef's journal
